My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize