I feel like abortions should bother me more
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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