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his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he was CRYING into my vagina
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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