I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize