I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My cat gives me a boner
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize