Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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