Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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