She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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