this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
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I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
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I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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