While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize