I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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