Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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