Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize