oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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