Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
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i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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