dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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