i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize