my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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