I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
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Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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