Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
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I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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