Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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