his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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