I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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