I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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