when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize