it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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