I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
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She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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