So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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