The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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