I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You're a waste of cheezeits
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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