she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
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