my phone needs a breathalizer
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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