I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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