I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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