she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize