i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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