She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
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A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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