Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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