The maid of honor just puked.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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