i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize