After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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