Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
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The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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