2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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