I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The struggles of a small town man whore
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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