if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
this hospital has no fireball
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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