I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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