FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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