Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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