Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.

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(603): I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed. http://tfl.nu/t2tl

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes

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(973): I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes http://tfl.nu/9abn

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.

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(724): soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices. http://tfl.nu/oyfa

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.

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(717): Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall. http://tfl.nu/weml

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.

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(724): Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways. http://tfl.nu/hzks

Replies (25) Good night (5044) Bad night (1524)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

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(804): Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3. http://tfl.nu/mf94

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(210): View more from Texas

yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."

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(210): yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons." http://tfl.nu/jfl4

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(818): View more from California

Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?

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(818): Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of? http://tfl.nu/fxpe

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(503): View more from Oregon

You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.

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(503): You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want. http://tfl.nu/gyya

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again

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(832): Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again http://tfl.nu/xwkk

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(416): View more from Toronto

no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us

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(416): no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us http://tfl.nu/s0m4

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.

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(717): Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend. http://tfl.nu/7j2q

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(587): View more from Alberta

Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?

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(587): Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature? http://tfl.nu/gy0w

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(801): View more from Utah

He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"

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(801): He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick" http://tfl.nu/sbhu

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(440): View more from Ohio

Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.

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(440): Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great. http://tfl.nu/fk00

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