No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
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I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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